runrubarun

Im back in Boston, thank God. I knew it was time to come back when things started to get a little sketchy the last couple days in Sarasota. I cant really explain why they were sketchy but I just had this odd feeling and I knew it was time to go back to B-town. Classes start tomorrow and im actually excited.... for once in my life I like going to class.

Its time to go back to Boston. Too much home time.

Im coming home tomorrow!!! Im so fucking excited. I have never wanted to be in Sarasota this badly ever. I cant wait to see all of my friends and family and just be in the warmth of the Florida sun. Its gonna be fucking amazing!

Just procrastinating when i have a 5 page paper due tomorrow and im on page 3, i guess thats good. Also took a Concerta because lord knows i dont have the motivation to write papers at my own free will. Oh funny/not funny thing that happened last night at this party that i was at. This girl that is in my acting class and who is socially awkward as it is, got really fucking drunk and peed on a couch and threw up as well. At first I laughed and then immediatly felt bad and embarrased for her because everyone knows and is calling her "Becca pee pee" which is very juvenile considering we are in college yet almost funny. Poor girl, that just sucks.

Just when you think that things wont get better, they do. Unexpected happiness is something we live for because when it hits you, you forget about everything bad. Life is an emotional rollercoaster.

I am in love, so deeply in love that it hurts. I have never felt like this before and its really scary and woderful at the same time. I know that he still loves me and its just going to take time, but i want to be with him now and i am realizing that he is where i need to be. Its a good feeling to realize something so profound.

well its over.

Shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck. Last night. Shit shit shit shit shit. Too much alcohol. Fuck fuck fuck fuck ass ass ass cunt fuck fuck fuck.

It all worked out.

Im writing in my live journal again because im really frusterated about my boyfriend. I really want to see him tonight and he says that he wants a night to himself. He has all week to himself because he has rehearsal till 11 and that is too late for me to go and see him. What the fuck? should i just go over there in like an hour and surprise him? or would that be considered smothering?

My relationship is deteriorating. What do I do?

Halloween party tonight! Should be fun, im gonna be tinkerbell that just OD'd. Oh and it's snowing! how exciting.

My roomate is chemically unstable and I witnessed it for the first time today. She went FUCKING POSTAL on my ass and said that she wanted to kill herself.... Im a little scared. How strange.

The weather outside right now makes me never want to leave the indoors. Its 40 degrees, raining and windy as fuck because of the hurricane. What happened to driving 2 minutes and being at the beach? I guess I had to grow up and go to college...Shit.

So my boyfriend and my roomate dont like eachother and got into a fight on friday night. Hmmmm do I feel awkward? I think so.

Everything is going really well in my life right now. Is it bad to expect that something bad is going to happen thats going to fuck it up?

This is my third friday acting class in a row that I have missed and what is really frusterating is that I always have the intention of going but my fucking alarm wont go off. Well ok I will be honest here, its usually because im out too late thursday night and then i sleep at brians and i dont hear my alarm go off. Well from now on there is no more sleeping at brians on a school night. And to top it all off, I have the biggest hicky on my neck and my mother is coming into town today, so that should be interesting. Well, Im off to class.

All of my friends are in tech right now for a show and i think im the only one who doesnt have to do it and now i wish i did because i have absolutely nothing to do. AANNNDD to top it all off, Brian is doing his show right now so I officially have nobody to hang out with. I dont think i can watch the wedding date again.

So okay i was freaking out about the boy earlier and we talked and i completely misinterpreted what happened. So we talked for 30 minutes and basically we are officially "dating" or "going steady" as some people call it. haha its funny how i was freaking out like a couple hours ago and now im fine. wow i need to smoke some pot... i think i will. Peace

ps. I saw Zap Mama in concert on Monday and it was crazy!

So much for the atmosphere concert and so much for thinking that I would have a boy for more than a week. Wow I dont understand how someone can just stop calling you after you basically have been acting like boyfriend and girlfriend for the past week. So I didnt get a call from Brian at all yesterday and he usually calls me right after rehearsal. I left him a message around 730 ( now i only called once so i wasnt seeming like a stalker of anything) and then at like 12 am I ran into him walking with his friend chris. So when we see him and his friend, he talks to everyone else first and its like im not even there. Then when he finally does talk to me he just says "whats up", instead of the usual kiss and hug i get when he says hello. AANNNNDDDD to top it off, he doesnt call me after he sees me to explain his weirdness. I told myself I wouldnt get attached to this boy and look what happens. I just dont understand how someone can do that to the other person, it is just so aweful and makes the other person feel like such shit. On the other hand, one of my friends was telling me that maybe he was just really stressed out after rehearsal and he said that they had a shitty rehearsal and they preview today, so maybe he just was in a bad mood and didnt want to bring me into that. I think that is wishful thinking so im going to be pessimistic about it and think that he just ditched me. Fuck i really wanted to go to the atmosphere concert. Its so funny how quickly guys can make you feel shitty about yourself.